1. |
喂？
01:40
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喂？
聽得到嗎？
I know they are there.
What else do I say to defeat the silence?
Who am I to her?
我還是阿慈嗎？
對我來説，
阿公都沒變。
How could I have known they were mortal?
Sorry, I wish I could tell you.
我不會自己學。
I wish so bad I could.
I wish I stayed just to be with you,
even in silence.
Wait,
I'm just starting to understand again.
阿公不要走！
Wait wait wait wait wait!
阿嬤please don't let me go.
I want to change. Please please please.
Stay a little longer.
I know it's been over a decade.
Don't go.
Hello? 喂？
喂？
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2. |
真的
02:23
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“乖”
“乖”
“乖”
“阿公再見，再見， 再見”
In my moments of weakness,
I ask myself if we will re-unite.
喂？ 喂？
I hear you calling,
You can’t hear me.
I’m calling you too,
“Please don’t leave!”
I’m re-learning Mandarin
Just so I can say,
“我好想阿公，” and, “我愛阿公”
真的，真的。
I’m almost there.
Don’t leave yet.
It’s not too late.
It’s not too late.
I know I am your biggest regret.
Lying on the hospital bed,
Hearing my voice through the phone line,
Did you feel my regret too?
Through the fumbling words
And awkward language barrier.
Did I touch your heart?
Did you hear me?
I heard a tear rolled out your eye.
I will kill myself wondering what that means.
“阿公再見，再見， 再見”
I’m re-learning Mandarin
Just so I can pray,
“我好想阿公，” and, “我愛阿公”
Over and over again.
喂？ 喂？
How was I supposed to know you were mortal?
“乖”
“乖”
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3. |
永遠永遠
02:09
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Never a stranger when i return.
Open arms with longer hugs this time.
in 2012, 阿公變天使了。
i never thought he would age behind my back.
我們好像少一個人。
我們現在可以一起坐車了.
Abused and fetishized,
if in heaven, you saw what happened, i hope you can forgive me.
i know i am your biggest regret.
阿公我好想你。
阿公我希望你還在這裏。
i'm trying to be what i couldn't be for you for her.
please tell her not to give up on me.
阿公我永遠永遠愛你
永遠永遠愛你
永遠永遠
永遠
I’m never a stranger.
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4. |
Little Giant
01:53
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in the magical moment called dawn,
street lights and sunlight collaborate into a misty morning.
three breaths in,
before entering the van, then airport, then airplane.
每次阿嬤的眼淚有一點少。
has she grown used to our goodbyes?
i don't want her to see me cry.
但是我的心裏好痛好痛。
i don't want to lose her
the way i lost 阿公。
i return a time traveler
physically, twenty-one,
to them, i am eight years old plus five weeks.
like a giant in a playground.
spectrummed halos orbiting lamp posts,
我其哥哥的摩托車。
i wish i could have disappeared into the shadows that night.
我不想囘美國。
最近給阿嬤打電話的時候，
他叫我剛快回來，他説
阿嬤不知道什麽時候會死。
i have to hurry.
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5. |
On My Way
01:24
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I have been staring at this blank sheet of paper for over a decade.
But how could i tell you that our memories have become a burden?
To you, i am the small fragment of you that flew away.
To me, you are my home--
You are where things make sense.
To you, i am still a child.
To me, you are immortal.
Because I come from you, at least a part of me must be strong.
So
To love you, i must love a piece of me too.
On the other side of the world,
You were eating lunch when i tied the noose.
I’m trying to stay strong,
Stay good,
For you.
不要忘記
我愛你。
在美國，
我還愛你。
Through the heavy atmosphere,
To silent presence,
I’m on my way.
I have always been on my way.
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DEAD TZU Brooklyn, New York
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